Category Archives: Health
28 May 2006 – This is a day that changed us forever.
I wrote the song “Time to say goodbye” four years after my wife miscarried as a way of expressing my deep sadness and a letting go of the hopes and dreams we had of having children. It was to acknowledge the child that we will never hold in our arms, but who will also never know the troubles of this world.
It has taken me eight years to write this blog.
This is the first time I have shared this publicly.
Paul S Allen
Time to say goodbye – Written and arranged by Paul S Allen (aka Paulusthebrit)
Words and music © Paul S Allen 2010 (All rights reserved)
Video and image © Paul S Allen 2014 (All rights reserved)
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If you need help, get it now, don’t wait!
Please check out the following supports sites.
The Miscarriage Support website has a lot of very useful and practical information for women and men. It also has contacts for support networks across the country.
If you are needing immediate medical assistance or you have concern for the physical or mental health of yourself, your partner or someone close by, get help straight away.
- Emergency Services call 111 (in New Zealand)
Other support services
- Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
- Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline (aimed at those in distress, or those who are concerned about the wellbeing of someone else) – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
- Healthline – 0800 611 116
- Samaritans – 0800 726 666 (for callers from the Lower North Island, Christchurch and West Coast) or (04) 473 9739 (for callers from all other regions)
- Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
How the unlovely, the broken and the disadvantaged are treated is the measure of society.
If you go behind all our masks, behind the tattoos, the makeup, the hair, the gender, the orientation, the religion or non-religion, you will meet a human. Someone who breathes the air, has blood in their veins, eats, rests, and generally lives from one routine to another.
We are all human.
My eyes were opened one day when a feared gang member stopped outside a food shop to buy his lunch. What I saw that day was a person, who probably ordered and paid for his favourite sandwich, and looked forward to eating it.
A man with a hunger, a need, a desire for something, normal, satisfying.
I got to know this man in a small way over a few years, I knew him as a person who looked out for his friends, he was a caring man, he tried to protect youth when needed. He shared with me his concerns about children playing in a derelict building site. He had a desire to improve his circumstances and of those around him.
He was also a gang member, he wore a patch, I am sure he had earned it in a way I did not want to know about. He was an outcast from “normal” society.
What I mainly saw was the man, a human.
A desire to change from someone with a less than “normal” past, whether that be criminal or other anti-social background (mental health especially has a stigma that people need to overcome) requires us to change our attitude, it requires us to get out of our comfort zone to reach out to the one wanting to change.
It means taking a risk.
Unless we are prepared to take a risk to reach out to others who are different from us how can we ever expect to improve our community.
To ostracize the unlovely, the broken and the disadvantaged is an indictment on the society we live in.
We need to be a community where forgiveness is a norm, where there is acceptance of the different, and where those wishing to and needing to change can find a place to do so and people who can help.
To love the unlovely is to love your fellow human. Something we are all called to do.
Paul S Allen
To take time out just to breathe and rest the mind is essential to be able to maintain focus.
This is a small piece of my own music to help you rest your mind. Enjoy.
©Paul S Allen 2013
Fear in itself is neither positive or negative. It is a result of the stimulus of a situation on an area of our psyche that produces a chemical reaction in our bodies. The fight or flight response.
Fear should not be eliminated altogether it serves an important purpose, that is to protect us from harm.
What is needed is, to be able to control and use it. We need to take note of it and understand it then make a decision how we are to act.
React or respond? For the most part the best result of the onset of fear is for us to respond, that is, to act in a considered way.
The main way fear becomes truly negative is when it cause us to become paralyzed and unable to make decisions. Fear can be tamed. When I went to Toastmasters I was taught that it was not about getting rid of the “butterflies in my stomach” it was about making them fly in formation.
Fear should highlight areas that need to be addressed and either fixed or avoided. What fear are you facing?
- What are you being challenged by?
- What are the things that you need to let go or move away from?
- Why do you react the way you do to certain situations?
Fear should result in change, either to the situation or your response to it.
Fear comes in many guises, danger: things that could lead to physical harm or death; change: letting go of the past, moving out of comfort zones, moving from familiar to unfamiliar, risk of loss.
No forward progress can be made if you are tightly holding onto the past.
To get over fear you need to build strategy, develop the ability to control the adrenalin rush. Talk your situation over with trusted friends, mentors, coaches.
To have courage you need to be en-couraged. The great thing about this is when you have courage you can become the encourager.
The wisdom is in knowing which fear needs to be respected and which needs to be dealt with.
There are many irrational fears, phobias and anxieties, these need to be addressed with care and often with professional assistance.