28 May 2006 – This is a day that changed us forever.
I wrote the song “Time to say goodbye” four years after my wife miscarried as a way of expressing my deep sadness and a letting go of the hopes and dreams we had of having children. It was to acknowledge the child that we will never hold in our arms, but who will also never know the troubles of this world.
It has taken me eight years to write this blog.
This is the first time I have shared this publicly.
Paul S Allen
Time to say goodbye – Written and arranged by Paul S Allen (aka Paulusthebrit)
Words and music © Paul S Allen 2010 (All rights reserved)
Video and image © Paul S Allen 2014 (All rights reserved)
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If you need help, get it now, don’t wait!
Please check out the following supports sites.
The Miscarriage Support website has a lot of very useful and practical information for women and men. It also has contacts for support networks across the country.
If you are needing immediate medical assistance or you have concern for the physical or mental health of yourself, your partner or someone close by, get help straight away.
- Emergency Services call 111 (in New Zealand)
Other support services
- Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
- Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline (aimed at those in distress, or those who are concerned about the wellbeing of someone else) – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
- Healthline – 0800 611 116
- Samaritans – 0800 726 666 (for callers from the Lower North Island, Christchurch and West Coast) or (04) 473 9739 (for callers from all other regions)
- Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
The long dark shadow although visible, has not the substance of the object or person that casts it or the power of the light that causes it to form.
It may reveal the shape but not the detail. It is distorted and elusive, it has no existence of its own. Remove the object or person and it is gone, remove the light and it is gone.
If you’re looking toward the light you can not see your shadow but it is still there.
You are not a shadow, you have substance and purpose.
Don’t live life as a shadow of yourself, be the person who stands in the light causing it.
Without fear courage means nothing.
The need to have courage only exists when there is a possibility that things will go badly. Courage is not the denial of fear but the embracing of it. It is using the emotional energy the fear generates to focus on what needs to be done to overcome the circumstance.
When you are facing difficult circumstances or decisions and are gripped by fear know that courage will allow you to get through it . If you know people going through “fearful” times you can be an encourager, that is one who gives courage to another.
Courage and fear are two sides of the same coin.
For a leader courage is an essential trait to have and to be an encourager is critical for the growth and development of your organisation.
So let me say again… Without fear courage means nothing.
(Note: Irrational fears and phobia need to be addressed and counselled correctly and appropriately to assure that they are dealt with properly.)
Courage requires leadership from the one who possesses it, for it requires one to act alone. The courageous can often be seen as rebellious, stubborn. To stand courageously on an issue there needs to be a clear understanding of self and the values and principles that self holds true, it requires vision. The courageous have predetermined to accept the consequences of their action. To speak or to remain silent both may require courage but wisdom will determine which course of action is best.
The courageous acts of ordinary people are inspirational. Courage should not be confused with recklessness, courage takes thought and pre-planning, even courage under fire or in an emergency has required the character building of the individual before the event. The process begins with the ability to way up the circumstances, assess risk, and determine action, then to make a decision quickly and to act quickly as appropriate. This thinking takes training and preparation.
Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery over it.
Courage:- show it, practice it, lead it, live it, give it to others.
Be an encourager of others and your own courage will increase.