28 May 2006 – This is a day that changed us forever.
I wrote the song “Time to say goodbye” four years after my wife miscarried as a way of expressing my deep sadness and a letting go of the hopes and dreams we had of having children. It was to acknowledge the child that we will never hold in our arms, but who will also never know the troubles of this world.
It has taken me eight years to write this blog.
This is the first time I have shared this publicly.
Paul S Allen
Time to say goodbye – Written and arranged by Paul S Allen (aka Paulusthebrit)
Words and music © Paul S Allen 2010 (All rights reserved)
Video and image © Paul S Allen 2014 (All rights reserved)
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If you need help, get it now, don’t wait!
Please check out the following supports sites.
The Miscarriage Support website has a lot of very useful and practical information for women and men. It also has contacts for support networks across the country.
If you are needing immediate medical assistance or you have concern for the physical or mental health of yourself, your partner or someone close by, get help straight away.
- Emergency Services call 111 (in New Zealand)
Other support services
- Lifeline – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
- Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline (aimed at those in distress, or those who are concerned about the wellbeing of someone else) – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
- Healthline – 0800 611 116
- Samaritans – 0800 726 666 (for callers from the Lower North Island, Christchurch and West Coast) or (04) 473 9739 (for callers from all other regions)
- Youthline – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Spare a thought this Mothers Day (and on Fathers Day) for those who for one reason or another are not able to have children as it can be a hard day for them.
It is good and right to celebrate Mothers Day and Fathers Day (albeit that it is a day created for commercial purposes). To honour your parents is something that we should all do and not just on one day per year with a cheap card and platitudes.
Mothers Day and Fathers Day can be difficult for many and an acknowledgment should be given for those people who do not have children. Not having children is not a choice for some, medical, fertility and health issues may have prevented couples from having children. Remember those who have also lost a child or children through miscarriage.
These days can be difficult for some to cope with, so spare a thought for people like us.
If you are a parent enjoy your day and I hope you are looked after well.